Catering exclusively to exotic clientèle, the Jekk’Jekk Tarr Cantina on Nar Shaddaa isn’t just unwelcoming to Humans—it’s deadly. Unlike some establishments that have gained a sordid reputation, the Jekk’Jekk Tarr Cantina’s patrons don’t often bear criminal charges. Instead, circulated cyanogen fumes and pollutants that are toxic to Humans provide a buffer against less desirable company.
Instead of serving drinks, the bar serves "nutrient chemicals" to its clientèle, who pay large sums of credits for the privilege. Five sections emulate the environments of different worlds preferable to certain species and are colour-coded to signify the types of gases being vented into the chambers. The sections are divided by short halls designed to function similar to an airlock so as not to contaminate the different chambers.
The first chamber, favored by species that could perceive the infrared, such as the Devaronians and Trandoshans, is lit with red lights and doubles as the cantina’s entrance to the far more dangerous yellow and green rooms.
Simulating the harsher climates of worlds such as Ryloth and Sriluur, the yellow-tinted room to the west is still poisionous to Humans, due to the amount of concentrated gases, but leaves some near-Humans, such as Twi'leks and Weequays, unaffected.
Identical rooms lie to the east of the infrared chamber, both bearing green color-coding. Exclusive to the insectoid Gand, these chambers filter in ammonia-based atmospheres that are toxic to most other non-insectoid species. The fifth chamber requires passage through the two ammonia-based rooms, but unlike the others, the private lounge is not harmful to Humans.
In some cases, measures have been taken to circumvent the harmful toxins, including the use of breath masks. Alternatively, a control panel located in the private lounge can purge the chemicals from each room to allow Humans to pass through unhindered in dire situations. All of the rooms bear the usual outfit of an unadorned cantina—arrangements of chairs and tables set within a hexagonal space.
Syntax
Repetition of "pain" without enhancing the story.
This should have a capital for the species name, since you used caps on the other species earlier.
Should have a comma after fumes.
Repetition of "distinctive".
Overkill of "human" here. Change up your references to make it clear who you're referring to at all times.
Story
How does Andrelious know Tamashi is a Jedi? This needs to be explained.
The biggest problem is that, in this entire 748 word post, there is no conflict between Tamashi and Andrelious. You have the beginnings of it at the end, but nothing prior to it. This is a match between these characters, and you only have three (including your opponent's) posts to tell that story in. With a 750 word limitation, you need to control the pacing far better.
Realism
I'm not sure where you're getting this info from. There's nothing on the Pau'an wiki or the species outline on our Wiki that indicates they can survive a toxic atmosphere.
It's rather difficult to slam open an airlock system. Each section of this venue is locked by one such corridor, including the entrance.
Just because someone has two lightsabers doesn't mean they are a dual-wielder, which seems to be what you're indicating here by having him draw his second saber. Andrelious uses Djem So (which is not a dual saber form) and has no Dual Wielding skill on his sheet.