Commander Dek Ironius II vs. Savant Aurora "Aura" Ta'var

Commander Dek Ironius II

Equite 2, Equite tier, Clan Scholae Palatinae
Male Human, Loyalist, Director, Imperial
vs.

Savant Aurora "Aura" Ta'var

Equite 2, Equite tier, Clan Odan-Urr
Female Zeltron, Force Disciple, Arcanist
Comment

Greetings,

Thank you both for your participation in Phase I of the GJW XII ACC Event!

I enjoyed grading your battle. Here, Aura comes out on top in a number of categories. I enjoyed Dek's first post and set up to enrage Aura, but some sentences were difficult to follow. Aura wrote a superior final post, utilizing the venue well and keeping combat between the characters interesting, although it was confusing how she escaped the grip of the 9T9 in her first post. In syntax, Dek had a few minor issues, but I noted none for Aura. In realism, I noted no flaws for Aura, and a minor issue for Dek. In continuity, I noted a flaw for Aura relating to a lightsaber being ignited at the start of Aura's final post, and none for Dek. In total, the battle was enjoyable to read and it was compelling to see Dek's frantic, rageful behavior towards Aura.

Thank you both again, and I look forward to grading additional battles from both of you!

~Mav

Hall Phase I: Winds of Change [GJWXII]
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 3 Days
Competition [GJW XII Event Long] Combat Writing - ACC Ladder
Battle Style Alternative Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants Commander Dek Ironius II, Savant Aurora "Aura" Ta'var
Winner Savant Aurora "Aura" Ta'var
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
Commander Dek Ironius II's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Savant Aurora "Aura" Ta'var's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue Hoth: Ice Cave
Last Post 9 July, 2017 10:06 PM UTC
Syntax - 15%
Sage Enzo Dek Aurora "Aura" Ta'var
Score: 4 Score: 5
Rationale: Many minor issues, most noted above. Rationale: No issues noted.
Story - 40%
Sage Enzo Dek Aurora "Aura" Ta'var
Score: 3 Score: 4
Rationale: Enjoyed the use of the NPC as a way to taunt and trap Aura. The two droids in the first post are a little confusing, and Aura's droid is never revisited. A couple of lines were a little confusing, particularly during Dek's dialogue, and positioning in the final post didn't make a ton of sense in regards to Dek lying on the ground at the end after being in the pool. Rationale: Very well done, the final post in particular, where combat was interesting and varied, and the venue was integrated extremely well. Only one knock: It did not really make sense how Aura was able to escape from the droid slowly; seemed too convenient with an approaching enemy, and almost unrealistic, save that it was not clear exactly how far from Dek Aura was so I gave you the benefit of the doubt there.
Realism - 25%
Sage Enzo Dek Aurora "Aura" Ta'var
Score: 4 Score: 5
Rationale: Aura is written as growing tired much quicker than it would make sense for her to become. Rationale: No issues.
Continuity - 20%
Sage Enzo Dek Aurora "Aura" Ta'var
Score: 5 Score: 4
Rationale: No issues Rationale: Lightsaber is off in one post, and is then in hand and ignited in the next.
Sage Enzo Dek's Score: 3.8 Aurora "Aura" Ta'var's Score: 4.4
Posts

Hoth Ice Cave

On the fringes of the Outer Rim territories and famous for being the one-time location of the Rebel Alliance, Hoth is a frigid world marred with fissures created from the tidal pull of Hoth’s three moons. Blanketed in a frozen ocean, massive oceanic currents beneath the southern hemisphere are the cause of constant seismic activities that result in a constantly shifting landscape of tunnels and caves.

Buried into the side of a fissure reaching hundreds of meters into the core of the planet is a network of tunnels leading into a cave. Its sole entrance is suspended within the wall of the fissure, requiring one to rappel down the dangerous crevasse and into the tunnels; one small miscalculation could send explorers descending the rest of the unmeasured height deep within the planet’s core.

Hoth Ice Cave

Insulated under several hundred meters of ice in all directions, the cave is protected against the gale force winds and the intense snowstorms that sweep along the planet’s surface. As a result, the cave is warmer than most of Hoth’s unforgiving cold with melting icicles dangling precariously overhead. In turn, this allows for more life to grow in addition to being a promising habitat for the hulking wampas that have been trapped this far below the surface. Beginning to thaw, it is obvious that this cave will eventually fall victim to seismic activity and disappear into the sheets of ice that surround it. Illuminating the cave’s interior with a dull blue glow, the luminous forms of lichen have taken up residence among the bones of the creatures unfortunate enough to be trapped here.

Caution must be exercised if one is to navigate the slippery slopes of the cave as melted icicles drip onto the cavern’s floor surface. In one corner of the cave, the ocean water has accumulated to form a large pool, providing sustenance to the rare lumni-spice growing within the crystalline complex, never to see the blue-white sun.

The air was cold with an icy, thick mist. Stepping down the rocks, Aurora Ta’var could see a communicator placed upon a broken stalagmite. Reluctantly curious, she went over to pick it up. A rush of lukewarm tingling washed over her. She closed her eyes and pressed her mind into the object.

Cainan underground city. Office next to a giant ice wall. Call from the 'Emperor'.

She opened her eyes. This communicator was a sign. “My contact is here.”

Stern-faced, the Zeltron continued into the cavern. Five minutes into her walk she noticed a lake with a man in a cloak sauntering around the chilly water.

"Droid," she commanded. "Scout a way around the lake. Report back to me. I sense something...out of place."

She placed her hand on the droid and pointed in the direction around the pool. Changing focus, she placed her hand on her katana. "Are you the contact? You have information that I value."

Is this a trap?

He pulled off his hood and an old man with deep, blistered burns across his face sputtered, "I'm sorry. I had no choice."

The man started to weep. She placed her hand upon her saber instead as a volley of three, yellow blaster bolts landed across his body. He grunted as he fell to the ground. Two red eyes and a red center flashed into existence behind him. A droid walked out with a communicator in his hand. A voice came from it, "Blade."

Aurora recognized the voice immediately, "A pointless waste, Dek. Did you force his family into slavery as well?"

"His family died on Judecca. He escaped with his life. Hence the scarring."

"Ah, yes," she retorted sarcastically. "He had no choice."

"If the Lotus died, would you have any choice but to avenge them?"

She cringed at his response. She wanted to stop this discussion and end someone such as himself. A politician. Someone who wants others to do his battles for him and claim the result. Speaking from behind a communicator. Dishonorable.

"I don't go by Blade anymore. It's Aura now."

"Aura? Positive, I see."

"It's irrelevant but also unfortunate for you. I can't let you escape. The death of this man is one of the many thousands of lives you've ended, and the last crime you will commit."

"Likewise, unfortunate," Dek chuckled. "I've already reported your position to the Imperial Navy. This was a distraction for you while they made their way to this frigid world."

"Oh, Dek," Aurora laughed, "I know you. Your plots of revenge run much deeper than surface intelligence. You would keep this information in order to use it against me or blackmail me. You don't want me dead. You want me alive to hold this under my head in the future."

She stepped forward, whilst checking her scanner. Her droid was making headway in its new mission: locating Dek. Process of elimination.

"Aura," Dek proceeded. "You betrayed us. I'm a different now. Judecca...my home...destroyed. Do you speak of my evil? You are responsible for burning a system. Fall upon your morality, but don't deny the tragedies you have committed in the name of the Jedi."

The Zeltron placed her hand upon her forehead. Yes, she may have caused the deaths of many hundreds of millions, potentially billions, of people. But is that the price that must be paid in order to save the galaxy? The entire planet was a mass exercise of collaboration with a twisted and evil force. They even became victim to such a force under their own Emperor! Aurora, now more than ever, knew one thing had to happen; she had to escape. And it would have to be with the death of her former friend.

"Dek, I apologize for..."

"You apologize?" The Human's voice cracked, "You apologize?"

Dek was no longer looking from behind a rock across the large pool. He too had a moral dilemma. Clutching his hair and his communicator, he slouched behind the rock. There truly was no fleet called. The old Dek would have used this against her. The new Dek wants her dead. He truly had no answer.

The Commander looked up and saw a red blinking light and some movement. He picked up the blaster and fired a few shots at the red lights as they buzzed away. Standing up, he looked over the stone at the spot where 9T9 and stood. The droid and Aurora were both gone.

Battle it is then.

Telaris "Mav" Cantor, 14 July, 2017 12:42 AM UTC

A droid walked out with a communicator in his hand. A voice came from it, "Blade."

Because neither droid was given a distinguishing description at first read I thought this was Blade's droid with the communicator from earlier. It is unclear where the communicator from earlier went, or if it had significance beyond being a sign of a contact.

"I know you. Your plots of revenge run much deeper than surface intelligence. You would keep this information in order to use it against me or blackmail me. You don't want me dead. You want me alive to hold this under my head in the future."

Wording here is a little confusing.

"You betrayed us. I'm a different now.

Don't need the a here.

Aura took off her outer robes and jogged towards Dek’s last known location on the other side of the underground pool, circling around the cavern and keeping out of plain sight as much as possible. She gripped her saber and spared a quick look behind her, 9T9 not far behind. Oddly enough, it still hadn’t ignited its infamous electrostaff.

Is the Palatinaean too scared to talk to me face to face?

The Zeltron stopped abruptly and activated her blue blade as she circled around the droid. No weapons at all, just the droid. She thought about cutting it in half, but all it held was a communicator.

“Huh, what are you up to, Dek?” whispered Aura as she scanned the cave.

She reached out to the Force around her and found him, a virulent storm of ferocious anger. He was still by the pool, which made her job easier. Aura grimaced as she recalled what Dek had done to get her attention. He didn’t have to kill the innocent once she was lured here, but yet it was his blaster that shot the man dead. She thought back to her Jedi lessons. Hate begot hate, and now an angry man spread even more of it. Her past had finally caught up to her. The Zeltron took a deep breath and mentally recited the Jedi Code, searching for a way to stop the conflict before the Palatinaean forced her hand. She didn’t need to carry around another dead soul. Aura ran the rest of the way, 9T9 following behind her. As she turned the last corner, she dove seamlessly into a roll, the Force screaming at her to move.

Pew.

A blaster bolt passed over her head way too close. She swore she could faintly smell burnt hair. She brought her saber up into a high guard and let the Force guide her. Two more shots were fired in quick succession. She deflected both harmlessly away from her, one of them sending an icicle crashing to the ground. A third and a fourth shot followed, but Aura was already sprinting to her right. Her boot slipped on a partially melted puddle and she felt her body rock backward. The Zeltron recentered her weight as best she could while she slid and then rocked forward as her boots gripped the dry rock floor.

His droid had been waiting for her. The MagnaGuard grabbed her in its arms as she ran past it and squeezed her against itself. She struggled against its hold, unable to find its thin frame with her saber.

“Any last words, traitor?”

“I was wrong to think that Pravus would spare the system, but I wasn’t wrong about Scholae Palatinae. All it did was rule as tyrants and overlords. There was never going to be peace in Judecca for any of its so-called citizens,” spat the Odanite. “If I could take it back, I would. But all we have is the present. Stop living in the past, Dek. Letting go of your hate is the only way you will ever be happy again. Accept that and leave peacefully. If you choose to stay and fight, I will judge you for your crimes. Final offer,” replied Aura, trying to stall him.

“I’m not going anywhere. Your death will be not only for Judecca but for the glory of our new Empire,” declared the Palatinaean, but this time his voice came from both the communicator and from right in front of her.

Dek had a deranged smile on his face as walked toward her, dramatically unsheathing his stiletto as he got closer. The Zeltron reached out to the Force around him, feeling darkness and loneliness. He was a man drowning in grief and it made her guilty. She stopped resisting for a second, pitying the man in front of her. He wasn’t even himself anymore. She couldn’t look him in the eye, but for the first time she truly apologized.

“I’m sorry.”

Aura shut off her saber and reached out to the Force, pulling it into her arms as she slowly pried 9T9’s appendages apart. Sweat dripped down her face as she gave one final heave. As the droid’s arms separated a bit further— probably the best she could do — she quickly squatted and dove forward into a roll. She popped back up and swung at Dek, hoping to disarm him.

Telaris "Mav" Cantor, 14 July, 2017 12:43 AM UTC

Dek had a deranged smile on his face as walked toward her, dramatically unsheathing his stiletto as he got closer. The Zeltron reached out to the Force around him, feeling darkness and loneliness. He was a man drowning in grief and it made her guilty . She stopped resisting for a second, pitying the man in front of her. He wasn’t even himself anymore. She couldn’t look him in the eye, but for the first time she truly apologized.

Good description of the inner turmoil seemingly rocking Dek.

... pulling it into her arms as she slowly pried 9T9’s appendages apart ...

Why did Dek let her slowly escape? This is a little confusing given the previous description of his approach with a stiletto.

The Commander received an open pawn swipe to the hand, immediately knocking the stiletto from his grasp. Knuckling her fist, Aurora jabbed her knuckles into the temple of her opponent, knocking him into the freezing water and dizzying him. She tossed the stiletto away with the Force and immediately released much of her pent up pheromones.

"I understand your suffering, Dek..."

Dek yelled through his pain. The cold water seeping through his clothing combined with his possible death enraged him further. He had never been this angry during the entirety of his life. The killer of his homeplanet faced him and he was most likely going to lose.

9T9 dropped the communicator and ran to Aura, fists firing at her head and torso. Dodging both attacks, she became tired almost immediately. Sweat continued to pour from her teal hair. Dek started to weep, grasping at the icy rocks at the edge of the water.

Through his sadness he spoke, "You...you're trying to convince me to you...your...your side. Your...p-p-p-point of v-view." He voice slowly chilled, succumbing creepily to hypothermia.

Aurora slid back, dodging a double kick, her feet touching the edges of the water.

"H-h-halt," Dek whispered. The droid did not stop his attack.

Dek squeezed the frozen air from his lungs, "HALT!"

The droid immediately halted. Confused, the Savant backed up from both Dek, now lying sloppily on the ground, and 9T9.

"I...hate...you," spoke the Human deeply.

"The grave of my mother...the grave of my father...every female I ever loved...every person I had ever known...destroyed...by Clan Scholae Palatinae." The pauses between his words were for catching his breath.

"You think...you think we're all tyrants...w-w-we killed innocents. Yes. But innocents will die in all wars. And if you think what happened on Cocytus was the first, then you don't know the power of the dark side. It will...it will...it will haunt you," Dek wheezed and spat at his former ally.

"A war is coming. It will test you much further than anything you have done before. And you...you'll need...my...no...our help."

Aurora stayed silent, letting the man say his piece.

"I won't use anything against you. You can leave. You can kill me. I am at your mercy. Will you kill a man full of hatred, such as myself?"

Aurora felt conflicted. So full of hate, anger, grief, agony. He is what the Sith thrive on. He is what the Sith use to gain power. But if I condemn him, I slaughter another of his descendents. And I've learned nothing.

Aurora stepped back. She took another step, and then another. Slowly, but surely, she made her way to the opening of the cavern. Dek lay still on the ground as 9T9 came to help him up.

There is no emotion, there is peace. The first line of the Jedi Code would save with enemy's life...today.

Telaris "Mav" Cantor, 14 July, 2017 12:49 AM UTC

homeplanet

Home planet is two words.

Dodging both attacks, she became tired almost immediately .

Aura has considerable endurance, so this brief bout of combat shouldn't have already tired her out. Is this a reference to her use of amplification? That is not clear as written, so this is being interpreted as a response to her dodging attacks and becoming tired.

He voice slowly chilled

His instead of he here.

..., now lying sloppily on the ...

It is a little confusing how Dek ended up lying sloppily on the ground; at last mention of his position, he was clinging to the side of a freezing pool succumbing to hypothermia. While plausible he moved, it is not written clearly that he did so.

Dek’s eyes went wide as he saw the blue blade rush towards him. The plan hadn’t worked. He grimaced as he quickly turned around and ran away as fast as he could towards his next trap.

“Plan Besh, 9T9!” he yelled over his shoulder.

Aura turned towards the droid, metal clanking as it ran towards her. Once in range, it swung its metallic arms in a rough punching motion, almost as if it was pretending it held an electrostaff. The Odanite slashed through its flailing arms and then followed up with a diagonal swing through its center mass. The droid’s eyes powered off as it fell to the floor, superheated metal edges burning brightly in the dimly lit cave.

Aura found Dek again through the Force. He had backed further into the darker corners of the cavern, where there were plenty of places to hide behind natural-made pillars and the shadows they cast. It was no doubt a trap. She cautiously walked right into it, alert and ready for whatever the man had to offer. She infused her body with the Force, relying on it to take her where she needed to go as she closed in on him.

Dek chucked an Ion grenade to her left and a Sonic grenade to her right. Not wasting any time, he pulled out his blaster and fired shot after shot towards Aura, hoping it would distract her. He desperately hoped this would work, his focus absolute.

Using the Force, the Zeltron briefly pushed the first grenade away from her. Her eyes locked onto the other explosive, but Dek’s blaster fire made her sprint to her right, deflecting any blaster bolts that came her way as she tried to outrun the other volley. Meanwhile, the first grenade smacked into a formation in the cave, unleashing a powerful sonic boom a safe distance away. Almost immediately, the second one released an electric shock off to her left. She jumped as a light shock washed over, caught in the very edge of its blast.

Discomfort aside, she sighed in relief, but the faint, ominous sound of cracking ice distracted her. She looked up and saw most of the icicles above the combatants cracking and then dropping like falling daggers. She didn’t need the Force to tell her to run, but there was nowhere to go. Icicles fell all around her like raindrops. She was going to get hit by something. Aura shut off her saber and reached out to the Force as she crouched low to the ground and put her hands over her head, focusing her energy on summoning a defensive corona around her.

Frozen projectiles hammered against her shield, pushing against it as she worked to flex it back into shape. Thankfully, there was only one wave of them, their broken pieces scattered on the cave floor around her. Looking around, she saw a number of icicles close by that were larger than the ones that had hit her shield.

Damn. Wonder how Dek fared…

Aura reached out to the Living Force and felt a weakened presence. She followed it, saber at the ready. Eventually, she found a large rock, moans of pain coming from the other side. She edged carefully around it, only to find the Palatinaean clutching his leg. A large icicle had stabbed into the meat of his right thigh, which was now bleeding. Dek reached for his gun, but she cut him off early, pointing her saber at his firing arm.

“Stop this now!” yelled Aura.

“You’ll have to kill me first,” seethed Dek.

“If you let me, I can save your life.”

“Ha! That isn’t how your justice works.”

“I’m trying to be better, Dek. Do you want help or not?”

“Die!”

Aura slashed her saber to the left as he brought up his blaster, cutting it in half. The Zeltron sighed and spoke into her comlink, requesting an extraction and medical help as he swore in the background. She fought with the man as she forced stuncuffs on him, his injury doing nothing to break his spirit. Dek glared up at her, properly bound, and unleashed a diatribe against her, angry tears welling up in his eyes. Aura sat next to him and listened, the least she could do. He’d get to hurt her after all.

Telaris "Mav" Cantor, 14 July, 2017 12:54 AM UTC

Dek’s eyes went wide as he saw the blue blade rush towards him. The plan hadn’t worked. He grimaced as he quickly turned around and ran away as fast as he could towards his next trap.

At last mention, the lightsaber was off; here it is already rushing towards someone without an indication of activation. Last post seemed to also imply a disarming movement, while this implies a different sort of attack. Continuity here, as the lightsaber in the previous post was off.