Prophet Halcyon Rokir Taldrya vs. Augur C'ree

Prophet Halcyon Rokir Taldrya

Elder 3, Elder tier, Unaffiliated
Male Human, Force Disciple, Sorcerer
vs.

Augur C'ree

Equite 4, Equite tier, Clan Odan-Urr
Female Sephi, Force Disciple, Sorcerer
Comment

At first, I was so hyped. Both opening posts were engaging, inviting, and drew me in as a reader. This is the last match of the event, and I'm glad that this was the match the close it. Both writers showed an understanding of each others character's, and wrote an engaging narrative. Halc's first post enchanted me from a storytelling perspective, but he lost me with his ending. Similarly, C'ree wrote a very solid narrative and motivations, but the ending seemed kind of a "welp, better luck next time." which was a bit of a letdown. I only say this to explain why neither reached a 5 in story from me, despite me loving this match and engagement between the characters.

Both writers had small syntax errors. Both writers stayed true to the others and their own posts. In a match this close, the small details matter, the minor ding against C'ree tips the stalemate score into Halc's favor. Beyond that, even in the event of the tie, I lean towards Halc's powerful first post leading into his finale.

For the record, Mav and Atra both reviewed this match and the grading as well and we all agreed on the outcome.

Thank you both for this match, and congrats on being the closing ceremony for the competition.

-W

Hall Phase I: Winds of Change [GJWXII]
Messages 4 out of 4
Time Limit 3 Days
Competition [GJW XII Event Long] Combat Writing - ACC Ladder
Battle Style Alternative Ending
Battle Status Judged
Combatants Prophet Halcyon Rokir Taldrya, Augur C'ree
Winner Prophet Halcyon Rokir Taldrya
Force Setting Standard
Weapon Setting Standard
Prophet Halcyon Rokir Taldrya's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Augur C'ree's Character Snapshot Snapshot
Venue Tatooine: Chalmun's Spaceport Cantina
Last Post 20 July, 2017 2:16 AM UTC
Syntax - 15%
Lord Halcyon Rear Admiral Arcia Cortel
Score: 4 Score: 4
Rationale: Small errors noted. Rationale: Small errors noted.
Story - 40%
Lord Halcyon Rear Admiral Arcia Cortel
Score: 4 Score: 4
Rationale: I was in love with your first post. Your second post started off great, but the Elder-beatdown at the end was kind of a letdown for me. I was hoping for more intrigue, and while realistic to the system, Halc beating down on C'ree so simply felt like a cop out. Rationale: Good set up, but I'm torn on how C'ree notices the ring and how convenient it is. Still, it was a good reason for the fight and you set up things very well. My let down was the ending. It was good and made sense, based on what Halc threw at you, but I was a bit let down at the abruptness of the ending. It was well written and solid, but didn't give me the extra push to a wow factor I look for in a 5.
Realism - 25%
Lord Halcyon Rear Admiral Arcia Cortel
Score: 5 Score: 4
Rationale: No issues that I can ding. Rationale: Minor ding for how you wrote Halc's +5 Sense not being able to target C'ree's position clearly.
Continuity - 20%
Lord Halcyon Rear Admiral Arcia Cortel
Score: 5 Score: 5
Rationale: No issues. Rationale: No issues.
Lord Halcyon's Score: 4.45 Rear Admiral Arcia Cortel's Score: 4.2
Posts

Tatooine Chalmun's Spaceport Cantina

You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. A popular drinking and dining establishment located in the city of Mos Eisley on the desert world of Tatooine, Chalmun's Spaceport Cantina is run by the Wookiee Chalmun.

A single story building made of sandstone, the cantina consists of a bar area, private offices, a VIP lounge, a private hangar, a basement, and a phony shop in the rear. It caters to all sorts from across the galaxy, with spacious areas and wide arched doorways to allow patrons of all sizes passage. Unsurprisingly, a fair share of these guests lend to the cantina’s seedy reputation.

Entering through a small portal on one side of the building, a small passage curves around into the main bar area. Featuring many themed spigots resembling the heads of IG-series assassin droids, the bar is capable of producing several dozen drinks of Chalmun's own concoctions. Surrounded by eight different alcoves filled with stools, tables, and even a bandstand, the bar wraps from the public area around into the private back room.

The door to the cantina hissed open, sand scattering the floor as a cloaked woman hurried through. Once safe from the sandstorm, she removed the garment and threw it into a corner unceremoniously. She noticed that the noise within the establishment was comparable to the roaring storm she just fled from.

I no like this place. It dirty. It loud. Why she say go here, Carrie? the dark alter whispered distaste within her mind.

“Angel say try new places. I try. I expand,” the pink-skinned woman stated aloud, much to the immediate patrons’ bewilderment.

C’ree beelined to the bar and immediately requested Corellian whiskey. To her left, a green-haired man glanced at her. His own gold filled glass was half drunk already. The Sephi-hybrid noticed his glance and, knowing that a place such as this required interaction, took a deep breath and downed the rest of her drink.

“What bring you here?”

“Don’t you think you’re a bit exotic to be in a place like this?” the man replied, completely ignoring her question.

C’ree frowned. “You hair exotic, pfft.”

With a heavy sigh and the woman’s broken droning immediately gnawing at his tolerance, Halcyon reached forward for his drink. The sleeve of his robe pulled up, uncloaking his fingers and hand. Just before he could grasp the drink, he stopped. The glass began to shake in place, as did many of the other patron drinks. The Human’s eyes narrowed quickly as a wreath of darkness enveloped him like a blanket. Turning his attention back to the woman, he looked into her once vibrant, violet eyes to see only fury filled yellow-orange glaring at his hand.

“You know green man. Twi’lek,” C’ree whispered, still staring at the Prophet’s hand; a vision of a broken and battered, lapis eyed woman flickered through her mind.

He quickly noticed that her words were not questioning, but stating. “I know many men. To whom are you referring?”

“You know. He like you. Vodo…” she slowly looked to Halcyon as her final statement bled accusation. “Taldrya.”

The man’s eyes quickly darted to his own hand, where his Scion of Taldrya ring gleamed brightly upon his finger. This symbol should have instilled fear in those around him. Instead, it set this woman off like a thermal imploder. It was obvious this Sephi-hybrid had history with one of the Taldrya and was too blinded to know they frequently worked alone in their private affairs. Halcyon began to slowly withdraw his hand when, suddenly, the Force screamed within him.

Glasses all around shattered and flew from their resting places. He felt tendrils of the Force entangle his arm as he ripped his hand away from the bar top, just as a razor sharp stiletto impaled where he once was. The miss was narrow, proving that the woman was indeed formidable. C’ree growled as they turned to face each other fully, her grip relaxing and slipping free of the stiletto.

“What’s your problem, pirate?” Halcyon demanded, his eyes shifting back and forth as he formulated a plan.

Before the woman could respond, one of the many patrons stumbled forward and pounded a finger into C’ree’s chest. “You in, are in, my way an’ my drink broke. Move it, wench!”

Without missing a beat, C’ree grabbed the man’s hand and twisted. Hard. He yelped in pain as he was spun around, the Sephi-hybrid’s other hand grasping the back of his head. The force of the impact when his face met the bar top rattled shards of glass and caused an explosion of blood to splatter across the surface.

Releasing the man, C’ree turned back to Halcyon and, through grit teeth, she breathed heavily before finally replying. “Taldrya hurt my angel. Taldrya no care about none but them. You all same. You pay.”

Halcyon felt the dark tainted presence of the Force boil within the woman as she accused him. “Listen. I don’t know--”

C’ree did not wait for the man to finish before sending her left fist rocketing towards the man’s face. She moved terribly fast. Halcyon only had but a second to brace himself; the Force’s warning coming just too late. The blow connected solidly, sending him careening into the bar. His collection of glasses, rather the pieces remaining, made him question how much he actually had to drink.

“Get up,” the woman growled. “Show me your darkness.”

Lord Marick Tyris Arconae, 15 August, 2017 1:19 AM UTC

Halcyon only had but a second to brace himself; the Force’s warning coming just too late.

Would need to be "warning came just too late." for the semicolon to work here.

“Ow,” Halcyon mumbled through a split lip, spitting out a tooth that had broken off from the hit to his jaw. Using the bar as leverage he slid up along it, propping himself up onto the bar top itself.

“Leave now, and we pretend nothing happened.” Halcyon fought to stay calm, but used the brief reprieve to draw the Force around himself, bathing in its power. He enjoyed coming to this particular bar, and knew what would occur if he had to battle another powerful Force-user.

“All green-man pathetic,” C’ree spat.

“Hey broad, what in the nine-hells is your problem!” one of the other patrons yelled out, stepping forward on the wings of liquid courage.

C’ree turned her head enough to look at the man who had spoken to her. Her eyes fixed on the man’s, holding his gaze as she poured unimaginable horrors across the link.

“Whha...whhaat’re you doin’ ya…no, no, please, NO!”

The man reeled backwards as if pushed, but nothing physical had touched him. His hands swung wildly in front of his face as his mouth moved wordlessly in terror. The others around him gave him a wide berth, not knowing what came over him. The man finally fled the cantina, nearly tripping over his own feet as he threw himself out into the Tatooine day.

“No more waste time,” C’ree said as she turned back to Halcyon. “You pay for green-man.”

Halcyon had felt only a small portion of what the other man would have received in full. He had both experience and trained defenses to deal with such mental attacks. Others in the cantina had none of it. They were all in this closed space with a completely deranged woman hell-bent on destroying him personally.

“Ok,” was Halcyon’s simple response, followed in the same moment with an invisible fist of telekinetic energy that slammed into C’ree’s midsection. She doubled-over instantly from the attack, but it was the only movement she made. Halcyon was already moving as soon as he had sent out his fist attack, the Force flooding his legs as he closed the few steps in a heartbeat. He slammed into C’ree, using his momentum as well as some extra help from the Force to propel C’ree off of him and send her flying across the room.

C’ree crashed into a table on the other side of the room, glass breaking under her, but her cloak managing to keep the pieces from piercing her back.

“Fight is good!” C’ree almost laughed as she rose to her feet. Any patrons that were nearby began to move quickly away from her. Her aura repelled them at a primal level. No one would be able to explain why they moved, just that staying close to her was not an option.

She moved back towards Halcyon, her movements showing no sign of injury. An arm came out from under her cloak, the gloved hand showing fingers that had been permanently blackened.

“Burn!” C’ree yelled out as tendrils of deadly Force energy burst forth from her fingertips. The violet lightning roared across the distance that separated the both of them, the cantina filling with the smell of ozone. Halcyon made his first movements since his attack, mind calling an emerald-hilt to his hand and a blade of pure green energy exploded out of the hilt.

The two deadly energies met, the lightning snaking its way around the extended lightsaber, but held at bay. Halcyon could almost feel the attack licking at his face, but he never wavered and held his lightsaber steady in the face of the onslaught.

With a small shriek C’ree stopped the attack and whipped out her own hilt. The saber produced its own brilliant purple blade, but like its owner it was chaotic, with strands of energy twisting around the core of the blade. Both combatants made to move towards one another, but a sudden angry roar stopped both in their tracks.

Chalmun, a beige and grey-coloured Wookiee, and owner of the cantina, had just appeared at the entrance-way. The entire establishment had gone silent as he barked out a question in Shyriiwook.

“He wants to know who started this,” Wuher the bartender stated from behind the bar. A number of hands began pointing at C’ree, but suddenly all went down as she began glaring at all those around her.

Lord Marick Tyris Arconae, 15 August, 2017 1:27 AM UTC

Halcyon made his first movements since his attack, mind calling an emerald-hilt to his hand and a blade of pure green energy exploded out of the hilt.

Tense is off here. Would need to be "exploding" or "as a blade of".

There is a lot of Force Power usage here, and I don't have a single error I see. Really impressive.

“You no want to know,” C’ree stated calmly, turning her attention to the Wookie as her eyes glowed brightly with hatred. “What happen here is no bother of you.”

From every corner of the cantina, the shadows began to bleed forth. They crept up the walls and over tables, enveloping patrons and coalescing into a thick fog that could not be pierced. Terrified shouts rang out from every direction as clatters and clangs signified the patrons tripping over themselves and chairs. The unseen chaos brought a smile to C’ree’s face, though a shame she could not share it.

Halcyon quickly reached out to his surroundings, foregoing use of his eyes and relying solely on what the Force reported to him. He strained his ears, also, to paint a picture in his mind of what was happening around him. He quickly realized that with all the commotion, his basic sense of hearing would not help him as much as he thought, but it would be worth the attempt. This trick of C’ree’s was simple, but if he was not careful, he could succumb to her whims; she seemed to be all too comfortable within the darkness.

C’ree calmly paced the floor of the cantina as the edges of the dark “fog” followed her movements, peeling away from the walls behind her. Halcyon remained stationary, pushing the occasional patron away from him as he continued to focus on the Sephi-hyrbid’s presence. She was closer than he wanted, but without knowing precisely where she was, he would not dare strike. He would not have to wait long, however, for just as his muscles tightened due to a whisper in the Force around him, the darkness fell to reveal C’ree’s unstable blade rocketing towards him from the right.

Green met violet as the two lightsabers impacted. Both stood locked in a battle of brawn, which Halcyon was quickly losing. Even with the Force augmenting his physical prowess, C’ree was simply much stronger; a much more capable close distance fighter. With grit teeth and a wild smirk of madness, C’ree pushed harder and harder into her prey’s guard, feeling his defense rapidly weakening.

Another, more angered, bestial roar rang out from behind the two lightsaber wielding combatants, drawing C’ree’s attention to multiple sources as Chalmun charged forwards. The pink-skinned woman quickly lashed forward with a kick to Halcyon’s thigh, dropping him to a knee, as she spun around to face the tower of fur barreling towards her. The Wookie managed to narrowly duck under the overhead swipe of C’ree’s lightsaber and slam into the woman’s midsection, taking both her and himself to the floor.

“Get. Off!” C’ree bellowed as she thrashed under the sheer might of the cantina owner. “He need to pay! He need—“

Her words were cut short as a furry hand clamped down on her mouth, the other repeatedly slamming her own hand into the floor until her grip broke from the lightsaber, causing it to deactivate and tumble away. C’ree roared with muffled defiance as Chalmun overpowered her and restrained her arms, lifting the woman from the floor and carrying her towards the establishment’s entrance.

“He said you are not welcome here anymore! You can leave now,” Wuher yelled over the ferocious snarling of the Wookie.

The door to the cantina hissed open, allowing blasts of sand to enter, and C’ree was forcibly thrown out into the city streets. The Sephi-hyrbid’s eyes quickly returned to their former violet shade as she looked around herself, taking in the situation. To her left, Pieces of Home clattered softly in the dirt as Chalmun bellowed a roar of finality and the door hissed shut. C’ree sneered as she collected her weapon and pulled the cloak tight around her body.

That no how I expect it to end, the dark alter whispered, having returned to the confines of C’ree’s mind.

“We need plan better next time. Next time, Taldrya pay with life…”

Next time, it be Vodo.

Lord Marick Tyris Arconae, 15 August, 2017 1:39 AM UTC

C’ree calmly paced the floor of the cantina as the edges of the dark “fog” followed her movements, peeling away from the walls behind her. Halcyon remained stationary, pushing the occasional patron away from him as he continued to focus on the Sephi-hyrbid’s presence. She was closer than he wanted, but without knowing precisely where she was, he would not dare strike. He would not have to wait long, however, for just as his muscles tightened due to a whisper in the Force around him, the darkness fell to reveal C’ree’s unstable blade rocketing towards him from the right.

This is a minor technicality, but in a close match I need to bring it up. Halc has +5 sense which says "A fully trained Jedi, with the Force as their ally, can connect to the Force at will and with no concentration required, sensing the proximity, presence, feelings, emotions, alignment, and Force strength of sentient beings around them. The details are sharp and clear." This implies that he wouldn't struggle to pin-point exactly where C'ree was.

Wookie

missing an e

Chalmun hefted a large bowcaster, pointing it at C’ree as he bared his teeth and growled at her. C’ree returned the growl with the same feral ferocity as she gripped her lightsaber tighter.

I only wanted a drink, or five, Halcyon sighed to himself during the brief reprieve. He could almost taste the discordant chords playing across from the Force from the tension mounting inside the cantina. His own danger-sense was yelling at him to do something, knowing what was to come. Experience stayed his hand, waiting for the right moment to intervene.

With a building-shaking roar Chalmun fired a quarrel from his bowcaster, the powerful bolt of plasma hurtling towards C’ree. C’ree dodged and tucked into a roll as the bolt slammed into a light fixture at the far end of the cantina. She came out of her roll easily, using the momentum to propel herself at the Wookiee. He threw a ball of telekinetic energy at C’ree, the force of the blow hitting her in mid-stride and sending her sprawling to the floor.

“Chalmun, get back!” Halcyon yelled at the Wookiee, who ignored him and instead made to leap on top of his fallen opponent. C’ree used a free hand to grab the throwing daggers in the pommel of lightsaber and threw them with all she had. At point-blank range the daggers found their mark, the strength of the throw managing to bury the daggers deep into the Wookiee.

Chalmun roared in pain and anger, staggering back from the blow. Halcyon could just make out the hilt of the daggers poking out from the fur on his chest.

“I told you to stay back!” Halcyon yelled again as he focused back on C’ree. If Chalmun stayed back and let him focus on C’ree they both can probably make it out of here alive.

C’ree had already rolled back onto her feet. Her eyes had almost taken on a volcanic-colour, any sign of sanity having been buried somewhere in the recesses of her mind.

“I vill feast on your bones,” she hissed as she threw herself at Halcyon.

Halcyon nearly succumbed to the initial onslaught, only instinct and experience saving him from a quick end to his ferocious opponent. Her crackling violet-blade was a maelstrom of motion, crashing against the hardened defence of her opponent. Yet there was only so much that Halcyon could do as the flurry of attacks were slowly eating away at his energy and focus. The woman was faster, stronger and clearly crazier than he was.

Halcyon’s senses continued to yell at him about each attack, but his body was not able to keep up with each thrust. A glancing blow to his arm, following up with a gash across his thigh began to wear on him.

This is going to hurt, was Halcyon’s thought, before deciding on a desperate course of action. As C’ree swung to bisect his body, Halcyon let go of his lightsaber and lunged at her. There was surprise on C’ree’s face, even in an almost feral-state, but it never slowed her swing. It was only the lightsaber, Halcyon still controlling it with his mind, that saved him from death. It deflected the incoming attack enough that the lightsaber only dug partially into his side.

Halcyon stifled a scream as he grabbed hold of C’ree’s lightsaber-arm with one hand, using the pain and anger to unleash a torrent of lightning. The violet-energy exploded out of his hand and enveloped C’ree’s arm. Her lightsaber dropped from his hand, smoke billowing out of the hilt as it clattered to the floor. She tried to pull free from the grip, but Halcyon’s other hand floated just in front of her face and began to unleash bolt-after-bolt of telekinetic energy. Each one hammered into her head, keeping her from focusing on anything else.

As her eyes began to roll up into her head, Halcyon released his grip. As her body began falling to the floor, he went to one knee, slamming an open palm onto the floor. An explosion of telekinetic energy exploded out of his palm, the shockwave grabbing hold of C’ree and sending her cartwheeling into a group of tables. Halcyon could sense that C'ree was alive, but barely.

"Someone get be a damn drink," he managed to get out as he slumped against a fallen table and tried not to pass out.

Lord Marick Tyris Arconae, 15 August, 2017 2:19 AM UTC

C’ree used a free hand to grab the throwing daggers in the pommel of lightsaber and threw them with all she had.

You know what you did.

C’ree dodged and tucked into a roll as the bolt slammed into a light fixture at the far end of the cantina. She came out of her roll easily, using the momentum to propel herself at the Wookiee. He threw a ball of telekinetic energy at C’ree, the force of the blow hitting her in mid-stride and sending her sprawling to the floor.

You used the pronoun "he" here when you clearly meant "Halc."

If Chalmun stayed back and let him focus on C’ree they both can probably make it out of here alive.

Both could.

"Someone get be a damn drink," he managed to get out as he slumped against a fallen table and tried not to pass out.

me...