Aura pressed her advantage, constantly swinging as she pushed the Ryn backward. Zujenia spun her bo-rifle around, catching each strike and then pushing back with one of her own. The Zeltron deflected it to the side and immediately jabbed her saber toward the Arconan’s stomach, hoping she could find an opening before the other end of the weapon came back around. All she could do was trust the Force.
The Ryn’s eyes went wide as she sidestepped the deadly stab, the uncomfortable warmth of a saber too close to her skin as it burned her clothes bringing back nightmares. She screamed in fright, defensively whipping her bo-rifle towards the Odanite’s head. Aura ducked under the strike and retreated just outside its range, the hum of the Arconan’s weapon and the smell of burnt hair a reminder of just how much was at stake.
This is taking too long. Maybe I can freeze her for a moment.
Aura reached out to the Force surrounding Zujenia and attempted to overwhelm her muscles, nerves, and tendons. It didn’t work. The Odanite looked suspiciously at the Arconan, who glowered at her as the Ryn unconsciously held her side. Aura tried again, but something was still missing, almost like a good friend had abandoned her and yet was still there.
Zujenia concentrated on the Zeltron as she continually probed the Force around her opponent, dampening each strand that connected to the Odanite. She rested a hand on the blackened cloth under her fingers, using it to help drive her focus. She didn’t have time to play around. Lives were at stake. Still focused on strangling Aura’s connection to the Force, the Ryn launched herself forward and swung at the Zeltron’s saber arm.
Kark!
The Odanite clumsily deflected the strike, abandoning her attempts with the Force. Something was wrong but she didn’t have time to figure it out. Her eyes went wide in fear as she stepped forward and twisted to the side, barely dodging a vicious jab. The Ryn snapped her weapon sideways, skillfully transitioning into a wide sweep. Out of position, the Odanite tried to intercept it with a defensive swipe, but the Arconan’s strike found its mark, smacking into the side of Aura’s chest and sending a harsh stunning jolt through her body.
She cried out in pain and staggered for a moment, her saber slipping in her hand a little before she regained her grip. The bo-rifle came around again, this time stabbing into her right forearm. The Zeltron lost her grip, her lightsaber turning off as it tumbled from her hand. The Odanite stumbled backward, only to find an electromagnetic tip inches from her chest.
“Those were just playing around. Next one will hurt a lot more. Tell me where to find my friends. Now!”
“I refuse to help an Inquisitor,” snarled Aura. She faintly heard their shouts in the distance. “Your pals are coming. See, you found them.”
“What? I’m not an Inquisitor! I’m an Arconan. Stop wasting my time! Who are you?” The Ryn stared at the Odanite, heart racing as she heard the approaching voices. A few moments was all this schutta would get.
“Ah,” winced the Zeltron as she favored her injured side. ”I serve the Jedi.”
A few heartbeats passed as the two combatants looked at each other awkwardly, guilt and regret washing over them as they both looked at an ally. The yells were getting closer.
“I’m sorry. I thought you were one of them,” explained the Ryn quickly as she re-holstered her weapon and wrapped an arm around Aura, letting the Odanite lean on her. “I have a ship nearby. Maybe we can reach it.”
Aura glanced guiltily at the Arconan’s burnt clothing. “Sorry. I didn’t know. If we get out of here alive, I’ll make it up to you,” offered the Zeltron as she recalled her saber hilt back to her hand.
“Deal. Maybe you can help me find my friends. Can you run?” Zujenia asked, eyes darting between the Odanite and the eerie fog. The enemy voices sounded as if they were right next to them.
“Yeah,” replied Aura as she used the Force to ignore the lingering pain, relieved that it responded to her once more. She ran as fast as she could, her new ally by her side, and hoped they would finally escape.
Syntax
This flows awkwardly in its current state. Even adding "With adrenaline" to the beginning would make it more palpable.
Story
It's hard to put my finger on exactly what the cause is, but the story feels rushed for this post. Like, the pace is very quick. Like my little mental reader just sprinted from start to finish. It's actually a little tiring! Perhaps you were just trying to make sure you got in the motivation for at least Aura and then get in some actual combat. Even then, rather than describing actions you tell them to us without showing. A slash, then swift explosive strikes. Even the reasoning for Zujenia is a bit rushed, and I had to read a couple times to get a sense that it was Zujenia that had no time for interruptions and not Aura.