Jasper grit her teeth and swallowed hard. Her gaze flickered to the barrel of Kojiro’s cannon. His words were empty, meant only to give her the illusion of control. She frowned and tossed her blaster to the side, raising her hands in surrender.
Surprised that his quarry had finally given in, Kojiro stepped forward, never taking his aim from her. “The pea shooter, too,” he gestured to the pistol on her left hip.
She reached for her gun slowly. “Ya know... I use ta think there were an iota a hope fer you an’ yer kin. But yer jus’ rotten to tha core. A copy of a copy of a copy. You ain’t even a real person,” she lied, wanting nothing more than to bait him into reckless rage. If she could make it to cover or anger him enough to end it all, maybe Kiast would be safe.
Kojiro grew increasingly impatient with the girl, finding the desire to keep her alive less and less compelling. “You are weak,” he spat, “and a traitor.” He shuffled closer, lowering his weapon as he growled, “Your kind will be extinct soon enough, girl.”
“Doubt it!” Jasper grinned, drawing her pistol and sending a scatter of small bolts in his direction.
The Keibatsu cursed under his breath, lifting his arm to shield his face as the spray glanced across the wavering energy shield that encircled him. “You really ought to learn how to use that thing!” he shouted over the gunfire as another shot missed him.
I shouldn’t hafta need one, Jasper thought bitterly as she continued to back away. The girl fired relentlessly until she was near to the corner of the ship wreckage. She stumbled on the uneven ground, faltering and giving Kojiro his chance.
Red bolts rocketed through the hazy air, screaming as the collided with rock and metal. Jasper lurched behind the corner of the ship, sparing only a moment to return fire. Kojiro drove her back, finding a second burst of energy to rush the Odanite.
The staccato of fire ceased as the Keibatsu rounded the corner of the starship and reached out, just managing to catch the girl’s shoulder. With little effort, he jerked Jasper back, slamming her against of the durasteel wall beside them.
Her head cracked against the hard metal. Everything went white as pain ripped across her waist with the ferocity of an untamed rancor. She gasped wordlessly, grasping at her side. The Corsair reluctantly loosened his grip, letting her writhe against the bulkhead. To her right, he saw the hull of the ship curled outward, a jagged piece of shrapnel now sticky with blood.
Kojiro raised his cannon once more, pressing its barrel firmly against her chest. Panicked, Jasper turned her head, looking out at the hell she would perish in. The land wept, lava rolling through the darkness like molten tears. A burial shroud covered the very earth itself. Death knells. She swore she could hear them tolling.
Exhaustion ate away at her. She felt it beckoning. It whispered, “Close your eyes, child. Just rest a moment. Rest your tired eyes.” Blood trickled between her fingers. She fought the urge to retch at the warmth of it.
Dirty copper strands clung to her wet cheeks. She slowly pushed herself up against the wall, digging the heel of her boots into the loose pumice. She took a breath as the pain ebbed for a moment. “Sun...shine,” she murmured incoherently, “Arcy… El, I’m–”
Jasper fell silent and reluctantly closed her eyes, knowing that she tempted death in doing so. She summoned the last of her strength, groping at her hip for a weapon. Any weapon. She desperately prayed for a miracle. Instead, she found her thoughts drowned by the cacophonous cries of the soldiers, felled at her command. Her mother weeping. The screams of her friends on Solyiat as it burned.
Or was it the distant roars of a hungry predator?
Emerald eyes snapped open. Jasper let herself smile as she thought back to the words of the old Mando from Coronet City.
“Strong… animals,” she whispered, her words staggered between each trying breath. “They come fer tha weak hearted folk.” Her emerald gaze drifted up to Kojiro’s. She placed her bloody hands over his, her small fingers curling around his grip on the trigger. “They’re comin’ fer you,” Jasper chuckled, wincing as she did, “slaverin’ fangs ‘n all.”
Syntax
As structured, this reads very awkwardly. It would work as "allowing her to escape".
"echoed" doesn't work as a replacement for "said", so this doesn't function as a single clause. You'd need to capitalize "his" after the dialogue.
Story
Thematically, this was a very interesting opening to the match. By having it be an encounter already in progress, a second stage if you will, you are able to delve into emotions and motivations right away without needing to waste too much time on the story of things. The dread is palpable and the writing is very well done.