“Grhm,” came a sleepy voice on the other end of the line. “Whoever this is better have a very good reason for contacting me at this hour,” the Empress said in a voice that mixed exhaustion with the promise of pain in equal measure. Jon winced. He’d forgotten the time difference between this backwater planet and Brotherhood space. All well, he was already in the deep end as it was.

“Your majesty! Hello!” he exclaimed. He immediately lowered his voice when he heard the aggravated hiss over the line.

“Who is this?” Elincia asked. “I’m not getting a hologram. Just audio.”

“Yeah, so the planet I’m on evidently hasn’t developed proper hologram communication yet. Go figure. I had Artemis patch in to make sure this signal got through though!.”

Elincia sighed on the other end. “Silvon?” Apparently she’d recognised his voice.

“That is I you majesty.”

“What did you do?”

“Why would you assume I-?”

“It is the middle of the night, Mercenary. What. Did. You. Do?”

Jon wasn’t sure if the vague sensation of fingers around his throat was real or purely imaginary. Could she do that from this far away? Didn’t she need to at least see him or something? Jon wasn’t sure, and he didn’t want to find out like that/. Rule #4: Never Tempt Fate. She Loves A Challenge.

“Ok, so I need bail money!” When she didn’t reply, Jon just sighed forlornly. No getting out of it now.

“It’s… a long story.” Nothing but silence on the other end. “So, it started when I went for a walk….”

“Let me get this straight,” said Raiju. The nautolan, along with Ironius, Alara, and Mune, had evidently joined in on Jon’s call at some point. The lack of visuals meant he wasn’t really certain when, but that wasn’t really his primary concern at the moment.

"Less than twelve hours after being deposited onto a backwater planet, on an unsanctioned mission no less-”
“Which, I completed flawlessly! Can you really blame me for wanting to have a little...celebration, afterwards?”

“You threatened civilians, wrecked three squad cars, started a public disturbance in a nightclub,” Raiju listed off, one after another.

“Hey, in my defense-”

“Blackmailed a librarian, threw the head of the city council into the lake, left a virus on the flag ship’s computer in an attempt to increase speed,” continued Alara, without even missing a beat.

“Why is she even here? I’m not in you House, woman!”

“Unleashed all the inmates from the asylum, set three buildings on fire, knocked four down, locked the mayor in his own building, unlawfully imprisoned a group of rodians” continued Mune. Did they rehearse this? When would they have had time to rehearse this so well?!

“I had it on excellent authority those rodians were terrorists!” Jon insisted, though at this point the writing was on the wall.

“All while you were 'celebrating',” finished Elincia, in the most deadened tone he’d ever heard her speak. He wasn’t sure if that was a good sign, or a bad one.

“A very enthusiastic celebration, Your Majesty!” The crowd on the other end of the line was silent. “So, you’ll post my bail, I take it?” he finished weakly.