You approve stuff I send your way. You good bear. Old bear. Well fed bear. Golden Steak for you.

-Mal

I’ve known Howie for almost 25 years. (His PIN is 8, for crying out loud.) When we met, he was already “the medal guy”, which we called Chancellor back then. In fact, he’s been “the medal guy” since before the turn of the century—literally. That “appointed to Chancellor of The Council” in his club history, back in 1999? That’s accurate. I was there. Howie’s been in and out of club leadership in one way or another not just for the majority of his DB career, or even the majority of the DB’s existence (although that’s true), but for the majority of his life. He’s been doing this long enough that if it were a real-life job, he could retire. Some days, I wish he would, but he keeps insisting he’ll be here until the lights go out. Considering he only stopped being Chancellor because we closed the position, I’m inclined to believe him.

What has he actually done in that time? Basically nothing. Sure, he yells and complains and posts food pics (the latter of which is, I admit, a genuine service), but none of those “activities” are tracked on the site. The countless approvals he’s done over the years also aren’t site-tracked—that’s why they’re countless, we literally can’t count them—and thus, by Howie’s own standards, also shouldn’t be counted as activity. You can protest all you want about how he’s “maintained consistent standards” and “ensured members are recognised for their hard work”, but at the end of the day, there’s no “promotions/awards/competitions approved” box on the Activity Assessment. As we’ve all learned from reading remands for over twenty years, simply sitting in a position for an extended period of time with no site-tracked activity doesn’t earn you anything.

Thus, I assume this award is being given on the strength of the combined 975 manual, regular, and timed competitions he’s participated in over the last 25 years. To this, I strenuously object. Even that supposedly impressive number of puzzles only puts him at an average of 35 puzzles per year, well below the 60-puzzle-per-year threshold required for EL2, let alone an award normally reserved for serving as a Grand Master.

In light of the above, I strongly urge the MAA Staff to remand this request and have Bubtra resubmit it as an award more in line with Howie’s actual activity. Seeing as Howie currently has 5300 medal XP, I would suggest a Sapphire Blade.

-Erinyes

Many many moons ago there was a guy called Juarez hanging out in mIRC who wouldn’t give me the time of day. All those moons later and he now thinks he’s part bear. Time is a weird soup, but I do call him friend, so there’s that. Congrats you silly old man and keep shaking your fist at all the kids.

-Halc

If there's one thing I like doing, it's annoying a friend. This? This is going to be annoying.

Perfection.

Howie, if you bother to read this, consider this a recommendation for services rendered on behalf of the Brotherhood. Should you remand this, also note, it does not count against my Iron Man streak. For I am merely appended and am not at fault. Remember this in the future, for it will be important. I am not at fault. Very good.

With that said, Howie is a constant amongst the Council. He provides a consistent perspective and voice in one of the most critical offices for members, as he brings down the stamps upon the site processes. You want a medal? That's a Howie. You want a sac? Get Howie'd. You want a promotion? There's a Howie for that. And that's the way it's been for 5 years. With luck, you'll be the one turning off the lights as the bots take over.

What I value the most, though, is that you challenge literally everything. You're like the opposite of a "Yes Man". It forces us to really evaluate our choices and decide if it is really the way we want to do it, even if that means getting yelled at. Well, that happens regardless. The best thing, though, is catching you off guard and getting you before you can challenge it. Mostly by awarding you. Especially with that.

So, know that I see you Howie. Know that I know that you know that I know that you hate this. And you're gonna yell at us for this.

Good.

Congrats, you damned Bear.

-Atra

Oh, look, a reward for the bear. I look forward to how very much you will hate this! That said, you also deserve something for what you do, so suck it up. It has been fantastic working with you, and I look forward to continuing to do so.

-Mune

The absolutely best part about this whole endeavor is that Bubba waited until Howie went on vacation, legit out of the country type vacation, before beginning the process for fear of Howie figuring out what was going on. This is right and just because Howie can smell an award being drafted between 18 to 20 miles away.

Now, if you’ll indulge me, I’d like to take you all back to a cool October day in 1997. For most of you you weren’t alive. For some of you you were a toddler. But for me, I was 14 and already in my ‘prime’ as a member of the Brotherhood. I was in the Equite ranks, clan summit positions, and then entered this unsuspecting baby panda. He began yelling nearly immediately. Though, at the time, it was mostly about the glory of some guy with a boot. But, as listed by others, in less than 2 years he was Chancellor.

Assuming I found the correct first reference, he joined under the name ‘Uberwan’. Which, again, if accurate, needs to come back. In addition, the earliest occurrence I could find of “Well, first of all” was at 1:22pm on April 13th, 2003. I’m confident he had used it for years by this point. It was also, at this same time some 20 minutes later, that Howie claimed “I can run the DB single handedly :P”. Oh, Howie, what happened? Why no GM yet?

Now you’ve read about he’s the ‘medal guy’ or ‘lord of awards’ but you’re missing a piece of the puzzle. At the same time, circa May 1999, he became the Command Attache of the Operations Officer in the Emperor’s Hammer. By January of 2000 he was the Operations Officer.

The Operations Officer is the ‘Chancellor’ of the whole Emperor’s Hammer. Howie had double-dipped his chip in the medal pool and no one batted an eye. At that time the EH claimed to have between three and five thousand members. Howie oversaw all those awards and, similar to others statements, the only reason he stopped was because of something called the Exodus. Again, before many of you were alive.

I feel like I should be writing this as a grand retirement message. “A lifetime of yelling the Howie the Bear story” which would have to start out on a Kodak slide show projector before progressing to modern technology. Don’t know what Kodak is? Don’t worry, Howie does cause he’s old as dirt like me.

So we come to him receiving this award. An award that I frankly had to look up his dossier and check that this wasn’t a second or third given his tenure. I could not think of anyone more deserving and I hope I’ve added enough to this recommendation that I get a good long yelling from the Bear.

-Kamjin “Maverick” Lap’lamiz

Howie is bear, a good bear, a sometimes yelling bear, and an always eat-face/bison bear.

I know this thing is going to piss him off, but that is a good thing. I’ve known him for many years, dating back to the early days of Xen-Con. Even then he was a bear, just one waiting for his inevitable time as MAA. Since then it’s been many years, ones that I am glad to have enjoyed his friendship and his very “do it right” mentality on all things. Getting to work with him on the DC has been even better. Front row seats to the yelling bear show, where he always ends up winning, because he was right.

To say Howie has had a major impact on this club would be an understatement. I very much remember the “Wild West” days of rewarding members. At one point I had been told that “The MAA can’t possibly be consistent between awarding for members in different clans.” Howie just about blew a gasket when I told him that. And then eventually he got MAA and was very firm in the “Yes MAA is always consistent between awarding members regardless of what clan they are in.”

That emphasis alone makes Howie a champion for this club. He may be old and desire the return of only TIE-based activity for the club, but he also honest to god wants to leave this club with a very structured and impartial award process.

So thank you bear. Enjoy this wonderful thing you will claim you shouldn’t have, because for once you are wrong.

• Idris

I have known Howie for eight years and he’s known me for two or three of them. About once a month, he makes me want to throttle him, and then we immediately go back to friendly discussion about beer or how to prepare Bubba for consumption or how GMs shouldn't be allowed to touch anything. That puts him in some very esteemed company, alongside Grand Masters and our most effective Council members and Consuls. Which is convenient, since those are the only people he talks to anyway. But it also marks him as someone who has fixed principles, like 'do things or be fired' and 'care for Xen's bear body.' It also marks him as someone who has the stamina to keep arguing with me but not the sense to stop, a true government employee if ever there was one. It will be a sad day when James automates his job away and we turn him out on the streets.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go delete 44 of his wiki pages.

Alethia Archenksova
Headmistress

toasts

Congrats, Howie, a well deserved reward for all your service to the Brotherhood!

–James

Howie-

Congrats dude. Can’t think of anyone who deserves this more. Proud to call you a friend. Zero metrics for this.

• Drac

toasts

Service to the Brotherhood.

Just kidding. But it’d be funny if that was the last line on the recommendation, right? Anyways. In the last… I won’t even count… years, Howie has served the Brotherhood in so many positions (mostly The Council or the …Not-Dark-Anymore Summit? We need to do something with that. ANYWAYS. Point being, Howie has served the entire Brotherhood - pre and post split from the Emperor’s Hammer - in these kinds of positions for a greater amount of time than pretty anyone else (except maybe Jac Cotelin, someone else can confirm), and far greater than half my total time here as a member. The total list is: Praetor to the Archon, Praetor to the Chancellor, Chancellor, Praetor to the Master At Arms, Proconsul (of Taldryan), Consul (of Taldryan), Praetor to the Master At Arms, and Master At Arms. Lobbed in there are stints of Magistrate and Special Magistrate to the Master At Arms, Shadow Academy grader-things, and funny most of all given it was Howie’s push to eliminate the position as it was “defunct in 1999”, OVER A YEAR as Rollmaster from 2014-2015. Howlader Taldrya by all accounts has become an integral part of the Brotherhood over these many years of service, and if you look at his dossier? It shows. The man is a machine, and without him there’s a real chance we would not have the set and stringent standards that we do now to ensure that our members are rewarded properly, fairly, and on a regular basis.

But there is one thing the man does not have, and that is a Golden Lightsaber. I think it’s about damn time we did something about that. Thanks for all your service Howie. I’ll be sad when we eliminate your position for dbb0t.

Love always, Noobi