Zujenia stared down at the still heated edges of what used to be her Slugthrower. Her throat tightened as an overwhelming flow of emotions washed over her; despair, anger, surprise. The Tuskan Cycler had been passed down to the Half-Ryn from her full-blooded mother, even now the memories of countless training exercises flashed through her mind and faded as fast as the cooling saber-burnt lines.
...A field of green, Mother’s white hair flowing in the breeze as she demonstrated a series of maneuvers— age eight. Fifteen years old— rolling across green grass before hopping up to block a knife slice from the veteran woman, their eyes locking— challenging and longing for Mother’s approval...
Absent mindedly, Zujenia thumbed the slash mark embedded among many others within the frame. The jagged edge caught against the skin of her thumb, drawing a small bead of blood— the sharp prick bringing her back to the present. Ashen eyebrows snapped together and the Knight rose to her feet, her dark amber eyes razing a hole into the Kaleesh’s back. Her once and rare bubbly display vanquished, leaving behind it a raging windstorm.
Worthless in close quarters? I’ll show you worthless.
Zujenia shifted her grips on the slugthrower’s remains; one now a makeshift club, the other a mini-spear. Her muscles flexed and she immersed herself within the Force, letting it sink into her tendons. Pushing off the ground, she lurched forward— the red grass whipping at her limbs as she traversed the short distance between her and Rrogon.
The red-green scaled man twisted around before her, his saber still in hand and thumb brushing against the activation button. The Half-Ryn had already dropped onto the ball of her right foot when the hiss of the lightsaber’s ignition alerted her, spinning low and arcing the butt end of the disassembled gun into Skar’s knee. A low grunt emitted from behind the black, bone-carved mask of the Kaleesh as he retaliated with a swing of his saber. Zujenia’s nerves screamed in warning from the Force, she dived backwards. His blade seared a long line through the flapping folds of the Knight’s vest, missing her flesh by mere centimeters.
Hands planted firmly onto the sun-baked ground, Zujenia flipped into an upright position. Her feet landed firmly and her left leg slid back a couple shoulder lengths, weight shifting deeply into the soles of her feet. The low, red light of the setting sun washed over the two opponents. Skar advanced after her, saber swinging in a wide powerful half-circle. With another forewarning of the Force, the Half-Ryn ducked to the side of his blow and thrusted out with the bayonet severed end. It sliced through the dark robes the Warrior wore, meeting only air when Rrogan reversed his hilt— bashing the butt of it into her exposed upper back.
Zujenia staggered past him, the air wrenched from her lungs and she sucked in the arid air, recovering. She uncoiled from her bent position, retreating several steps from the advancing Juggernaut — buying time to think, evaluate. The Kaleesh’s might was worrisome, another blow like that and she would be curled up on the ground or worse, missing a limb. She would need to be swift and focus on redirecting those blows rather than full on blocks. By the cold, passive look on Skar’s face, he wasn’t going to let up one her— not that she would wish other wise. A frown pulled on her face as she weighed her options and her hands tightened on the broken Tusken Cycler.
Time for a weapon change
Golden eyes flashed with the sunsets bright colors and the Half-Ryn’s set resolution. She dragged her right foot across the dusty ground, circling around to chuck the slugthrower halves at the Warrior. The make-shift projectiles sailed past him, yet successfully pressured the Kaleesh to pause. Continuing with her momentum, Zujenia reached back and grabbed the electrostaff that was slung across her torso. Returning to the comforting hold of her favored stance, the polearm’s ends crackled to life— purple hues clashing against Shili’s red light.
Run on sentence. You start off with a good visual beat, but try and simply break it up into smaller sentences. It might help, especially when you're writing under deadlines.
Sergeant is a rank, so you capitalize it.
space needed between sentences.
always capitalize the Force
needs to be three dots for ellipses