Please find attached my submission.

You there. Yes you. Are you seriously allowing the most important role to be in the hands, or *paws*, of a teddy bear? A breed of bear that doesn't even like sex or food, in fact? This bear can hardly survive on its own in its natural habitat. How could it ever be of use on one of the highest chairs in your entire government? If you're sick of listening to a scapegoat that sits on the pillows of your Grand Master's bed and you'd rather a *real* person be in charge, then look no further than the Collective!

The Collective looks to hire *people*, not *teddy bears*. This means that you are definitely a proper applicant. Your teddy bear, however, should be thrown back to China to go extinct. Good luck throwing him, though. I'd recommend a helicopter due to how massively obese he is.

Don't let his seriousness fool you. His swats are nothing to be feared. Even an ewok could get that fat lard onto the ground. He may try to intimidate you by his passive-aggressive way of deciding whether or not to allow your competitions, but in reality those teeth in his mouth are about the same thickness as his girth: which is not even big enough to enjoy through that shoot of bamboo he keeps trying out since he can't get a real panda lover.

I will assume that you've made the right decision already and have decided to leave that silly Brotherhood behind and join the *real* rulers of the galaxy. Since we aren't into watching Kung Fu Panda, don't bring your Master at Arm's silly tactics here. And there will be no hiring of furries, got it?

Got it?

The Master at Arms
Is nothing but thumbs
When it comes to good management
He fills us all with embarrassment

His methods are inane
His instructions often insane
And to top it all off,
He barely has a brain!

His office is in a mess
Much like his sense of dress
Though he thinks to impress
He leaves other in distress
To reach in the dark
And to fumble

So ignore this poor fool
Who thinks you're a tool
To be used for by his master
That insufferable bastard
And leave him to sit
and to stew

Howlader Taldrya is a mold in the wrong direction. Unlike a cookie cutter mold of someone who creates confidence and governs well he is a mold that spreads slowly across everything he touches. And as the "Howie Mold" spreads across your brotherhood how can you expect something positive to grow in the lethal situation? This past week alone he denied three elevations, fourteen medals for outstanding activity and DENIED a mother from breastfeeding in public.

Can you trust your children around this kind of behavior? He won't even procreate to keep his kind alive. And keeping men who are magically turned into man sized pandas is the kind of lifestyle that keeps the brotherhood growing strong.

This fall we urge you to not let How Much Later Taldrya to refuse your promotions. Don't let How Liter drink up all your time earning medals. Make your stamp of approval on those that want to be promoted when they want to be promoted, earn the medals they want how and when they can.

I know I am not well known to the Brotherhood but I can push for those medals you deserve, push for those promotions the Dark Council claims you don't show the experience and reign in the Dark Thrones power, checking it and allowing clans to finally expand. Remember that Gary the Groundhog will put a check on bamboo prices and reign in a dawning of a new age.

Add paid for by the affiliation to support Gary The Groundhog. Though panda’s were shown slaughtered in this add no actual pandas were harmed during the filming of this add.

Plain text for your convenience:

The suppos'd upright homo sapien, such to be call'd man,
To whom the title Master be ill-begot and ill-bargained by devilish nerve,
Such nerve of sword smithed steel, t'be so brazen and fast in its bald-faced lie,
Is not a man at all, nor even cousin to an ape upright
That might perform mischief more masterful.
Nay, this "Armament Keeper" wields only toils and toddler-like trifles,
beset upon by a most foul pound of rott'd grey matter steep'd in juices too bare of nutriment
to constitute but one lonely soul of coherent thought.
He is more comprable to an ursine creature,
Base of body and mind,
Arguable in its capacity not for the virtues of men; honor nor intellect nor keen passions of the Divine and erudite,
But for its burly bumbling gait thrown forth from its immense weight,
And for a carelessness for where it defecates or which feces it rolls about in;
Which itself expresses a freedom from self-perception that indeed men and angels might envy
And is so common of beasts.
This Arms Bearer, then, call'd proper,
Is no Master but a mass-tier'd marvel
Of woodly bladder emptyings and
Brush ravengings,
Lumbering and loud like all louts,
Of a care for what it may eat and eat and eat,
And little else but slumber.
And slumber long does he,
Lazy and fat,
To stir only in easiest season and spread seed.
Deny and deny and deny,
Does this black and white mongoloid,
This barking brat.
What use wonder not follows its steps;
Find only a stamp in the soil'd Earth.
What use but for vice
holds this animal jabberjaw'd cock,
But to be skinn'd for a denning throw,
And dried for winter stock?
None, we will collectively tell you.
None at all.
Master? Fathom not.
'Howlander of Brothers' is a curse on all mothers,
Whose poor children witness its call;
for Howlander, Arms Master, hits 'Reply All.'

“Outer-Rim Outsider Talk Radio,” a voice said over the HUD broadcast station, “Got some interesting news for everyone. Talking about the Brotherhood’s ‘Master-At-Arms’. Stay tuned, you’ll want to hear this one.”

*Intro Music*

“So apparently, from one of our reliable sources, we have the identity of one of the top administrators of the FU ‘edgelords’. And it’s a panda… No, I’m not joking. You heard me right. It’s actually a panda. The record has him as a human, but I know a panda when I see one. You can see a visual along with the info I’m looking at today upon our Holo-net site.
I’m not joking here, folks. But this ‘Howlander Taldrya’ is a joke. I think he’s the old fart who can’t seem to let go. He cares more about himself in his position than actually being of service. Don’t get me wrong, he approves people. He promoted Sarin to Darth Pravus. Remember him? The guy who committed genocide on many of the faces and species we know and love overnight? Yeah. This guy stamped the documents that gave over that kind of power.

We’re gonna take a few calls from our fans that took the time to look over the uploaded files of Taldrya on our Site. Caller #1, you’re live with Berny.”

“Hey Bern, do you think that this Howlander Panda guy is the real deal to them? Or just a front to the Dark Council with someone else pulling the strings.”

“Good question. Maybe once he took things carefully, but over time people get used to their job. That brings complacency into a habit. I only have the facts in front of me, but I also get how people work in general, Force Users are no exception either. Next caller.”

“Hey, I just wanted to say Berny, that, I don’t see the big deal with these Force Users. I mean, what if that’s the next big thing in evolution? Shouldn’t we-” *dial tone noise*

“Whoops, sorry Caller #2 looks like you disconnected on us. But it seems to me, folks, that he didn’t have very much intelligible things to say. FUs aren’t the next stage in evolution. It may give people powers, but it also corrupts their hearts. They slaughter innocent people, and even each other, all in the pursuit of power. The Force takes their emotions and sends them far past rationality. It’s a virus, a poison to all life in the Galaxy. And one man, one hero named Rath Oligard, is taking the fight to evil men like Howlander Taldrya! He knows the price that must be paid for the better of all of us now and our children.

Now… we’re going to take a quick commercial break and move on to our next topic: Miralukas, are they, and should they go extinct? The answer may surprise you. We’ll be right back.”

*Outro Music*

The Master at Arms is a very exact person. His skills are unmatched by any other that can be known. No other could hold this official position and still be the God-like creature that is the MAA. He can do no wrong and he makes sure everyone knows it.

His tasks are many. No need to go into them.

The Iron Throne is squid-like, with the MAA being the backbone of such a complex creature. His investigatory skills are so great that no evidence of such acts can ever be found after the fact. I’m sure he is a good pilot, but those paws must have difficulty grasping the controls. No matter! His knowledge is boundless, knowing equally about topics such as the “history of the…Galactic Empire”, History of the Empire (Which one? All of them!), Lore and History of the Brotherhood, the History of the Brotherhood, and Knowledge of Brotherhood Institutions. Did I mention he knows about the Brotherhood?

We’d be best to avoid such a ferocious beast! His penchant for stamping denials and being part of the Dark Jedi Brotherhood for 21 glorious years is not a weapon to be fooled with! The last hurdle for this great bear is to become the Grand Master! Then he would truly be a force to be reckoned with! He might then be able to earn a Silver Sash or Golden Lightsaber and add them to his growing collection of colored swords!

We at The Collective fear such a great man! We fear what stories he brings with them, even if they are just that. We realize that through this we may summon a beast. But beasts can be hunted, especially for their pelts. We await the day when we face off with the great stamp of disapproval!