Yes, I know - I've been patchy. Yes, on my Facebook, I AM dressed like Don Johnson. Yes, I haven't been on IRC in absolute ages. And yes, that twat over in Taldryan did mention myself and Perez Hilton (Timeros). TO THE REPORT!

== The War Is Over - Long Live THE WAR! ==

It's over. The upper echelons are dragging their feet with regards the results, but hey - what's new?! I know, I know - there's a mountain of scoring to get through and all that, so yeah, we'll just leave them at it. It should be interesting to see how things pan out. Anyways, I'm sick to my tits talking about the War. We won. End of story.

== Taldryan... Arcona Bent You Over A Table... ==

Yes, we did. We did. And it was good. Taldryan took it like a good little girl and moaned, enjoying it wildly. It was amazing, absolutely amazing. Myself and everybody's favourite Dutchman, Timeros, were actually mentioned by name in some little DJK twat's report over in Ectoplasm House or something or other. I love that. They actually took the time to read our reports and then comment on them. I actually get something close to a hard-on knowing that I have that effect over them. It's wonderful, it's like smoking a cigarette and getting a magnificent blowjob all at once. Which, funnily enough, leads me to the next point.

== QEL-DROMAWATCH CENSORSHIP SCANDAL! ==

My reports have been censored. Somewhat. According to our esteemed Justicar, my language has been deemed too scandalous and risque for Brotherhood viewing. Henceforth, I am going to have censor myself. Either that or a carry a massive disclaimer on these reports. SO! With that in mind, if you're easily offended by words such as bollocks, cunt, foreskin, wanking, shit, fuck, Taldryan, vagina, cock, Oberst and so forth, DO NOT READ THIS. Right, that's my arse covered. Oh and arse. I forgot arse. Possibly my second favourite curse-word. Cunt being my favourite. It's so.. vitriolic. I love it. When said with a thick North Kildare accent (such as the one I sport on a daily basis), it sounds vaguely like Klingon. Yeah.

== Arcturus' Ass-tastic Award ==

My Ass-tastic Award goes to Ninj. That crazy bastard had flowers sent to Xathia for their... birthday, was it? Or was it anniversay? I can't remember. Still, though. Flowers. From Zakath. And here I was thinking that everybody's favourite Rollmaster was a cold-hearted, ice-in-his-veins serial killer and he does something so human and thoughtful and sends that Northern Monkey-Woman flowers. Warms my heart, so it does. Now, if those flowers were, perchance, laced with poison or something, then I take this award back. Because that's classic Ninj right there. But if not, the award stands.

== Song of the Week / Video of the Week ==

I recently DJ'd at a cracking party in my girlfriend's house not too long ago. Check out the photos on my Facebook page, by the way. If you want to add me as a friend, enter "[Log in to view e-mail addresses]" and go from there. Anyways, I played this little tune and it went down a treat.

Bloc Party - "Banquet"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IREXDO_uvyQ

My video of the week is not that one going around of that guy mowing people down in Holland. Instead, it's Derren Brown hypnotising strippers. God, I love the Internet.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7TIvxZ-KhqY

== In Closing ==

There's going to be some big changes happening in Arcona over the course of the next couple of weeks, so stay tuned. Right now, don't go AWOL on us. Send me an e-mail or two, let me know what's happening.

~ Arcturus