BOB'S WEEKLY REPORT MAY 1ST, 2002
<table border cols="1" width="100%" bgcolor="purple"> <tr> <td>INTRODUCTION</td> </tr> </table>
Aedile Bob thinks back to his days in the Shadow Academy......
One of the many professors of the Shadow Academy had just finished explaining an important research project to his class. He emphasized that this paper was an absolute requirement for passing his class, and that there would be only two acceptable excuses for being late. Those were a medically certifiable illness or a death in the appprentice's immediate family. A young Krath apprentice named Bob in the back of the classroom waved his hand and spoke up. "But what about extreme sexual exhaustion, professor?" As you would expect, the class exploded in laughter. When the students had finally settled down, the professor froze the young man with a glaring look. "Well," he responded, "I guess you'll just have to learn to write with your other hand."
<table border cols="1" width="100%" bgcolor="purple"> <tr> <td>REPORT SUMMARY</td> </tr> </table>
Krath Combat Operations
House Run-On
House Points
<table border cols="1" width="100%" bgcolor="purple"> <tr> <td>FRESH NEWS</td> </tr> </table>
#001 - Krath Combat Operations
Well, it has begun, and now due to message board problems come to a hault. For those of you who do not know of what I am talking about. Go here:
http://www.darkjedibrotherhood.org/krath/bb/
Whenever it gets up and running again (so I can finish off our fearless leader) check its progress out at the Krath Message Board:
http://www.ehnet.org/mb/mb.php?action=topics&forum_id=11&days=7.
#002 - House Run-On
The search for alcohol has stopped.
Bob begins to panic.
Go to the House Message Board (register if you haven't) and find us some ALCOHOL!
#003 - House Points
The system is up and running so far I have only the House Run-On points. If you do something CC me and you will receive your well deserved points. Those of you participating in the Krath Combat will get yours win or lose.
<table border cols="1" width="100%" bgcolor="purple"> <tr> <td>STANDING ORDERS</td> </tr> </table>
Do the hokey pokey and turn yourself around.
What if thats what its all about?
<table border cols="1" width="100%" bgcolor="purple"> <tr> <td>GUNGAN OF THE WEEK</td> </tr> </table>
*Every story has a hero, every journey has a first step, every House has a jedi who's about as much use as an ashtray on a speeder bike. This weeks' Gungans are none other than: *
The entire House Summit!
Thats right your Quaestor, Aedile, Rollmaster, and Tetrachs all managed to get their weekly reports out late this week.
Wheeza thinks they all are going into withdrawals. (cue the run-on)
<table border cols="1" width="100%" bgcolor="purple"> <tr> <td>QUOTE OF THE WEEK</td> </tr> </table>
And always remember to roll in cream cheese prior to taunting a goblin, especially if the goblin is afraid of turquoise wallpaper.
PRT Kant Lavar; Rollmaster
<table border cols="1" width="100%" bgcolor="purple"> <tr> <td>DEAR BOB</td> </tr> </table>
*As I deeply care about the members of my house, each week I will answer a few of my many emails that I receive each week. Lots of you ask me for my advice and I am quick to spread my insanity. *
Dear Mr. Bob,
I have a 23 year old British motorcycle that keeps playing up. I have spent a lot of money on it, and it never runs properly. Should I just give up and sell it?
Yours,
Worried Motorcyclist.
_ Dear Motorcyclist, _
Best to have it go out properly. Why not have fun with it? Order new copies of all of your ID and credit cards, and buy a new wallet. Take some old clothes that you never wear, and put your old wallet in the pants. Drive your bike to the highest cliff you can find (with pals following close behind so as to drive you home). Lay your old clothes across the seat, douse the whole thing with gasoline, and have a pal set it afire while you stand to the side of the bike, revving the engine hard while pointing it off the cliff. Let go. Watch the fun and column inches in the local paper ensue!
You never heard of me,
Mr.B
Deer M. B,
I've got a fundamental problm with speling. Wat wood you advize?
Charly
_ Dear Charly,
Use the phone more. _
Ysr,
Mr. Bob
Dear Mr. Bob,
We wish to thank you for your letter and Polaroid pictures that we recently received. We regret, however, that we will not be able to use you as "Playgirl's Man of the Month Centerfold".
When rated by our panel of AAW (Average American Women) on a scale from 1 to 10, your body was rated minus 2. The AAW has determined by our scientific investigation is an unmarried or widowed female age 60 to 75 that has not been involved with sex five years or longer.
To further justify our rating, we submitted your photographs to a panel of women in the age bracket 25 to 35, but we couldn't get them to stop laughing long enough to rate you.
Please be assured that should the taste of American women ever change so drastically that bodies of your stature are in demand for our centerfold, you will be notified. Meanwhile, don't call us, we'll call you.
Sincerely,
Editor Playgirl Magazine
P. S. Our staff and I wish to take this opportunity to express our deepest heartfelt sympathy to your female companions.
That is all!
KP Bob(Krath)/AED/Marka Ragnos of Naga Sadow
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