HOUSE LUDO KRESSH REPORT MARCH 29TH, 2003
<table border cols="1" width="100%" bgcolor="red"> <tr> <td>INTRODUCTION</td> </tr> </table>
The Great Jedi War is quickly coming to an end. For those of you who have yet to participate, times running out. For those of you who have I thank you.
Lots of upcoming Sith events. The third season of the Sith Squadron League is to start around April 5th, however with no cmdrs we might run into some problems there. New Melee nights are being worked on by the OHC and SHW and the next installment of the Sith Wars is currently being planned. So as you can see alot of things to come after the Great Jedi War.
Along with the DB wide events I will be running some house competitions as well. So beware.
Just another boring week in the DB. Consul and Proconsul of Arcona fired and replaced by fired Headmaster. Obelisk High Commander fired. Chancellor on trial by High Court of Inquisitors and resigns. Deputy Grand Master on trial by High Court of Inquisitors. Quaestor Bob still in charge of HLK.
(Bob knocks on wood)
<table border cols="1" width="100%" bgcolor="red"> <tr> <td>REPORT SUMMARY</td> </tr> </table>
Great Jedi War
Squadron Commanders
Sith Multiplayer League
Coming and Going
Promotions and Awards
<table border cols="1" width="100%" bgcolor="red"> <tr> <td>FRESSH NEWS</td> </tr> </table>
#001 - Great Jedi War
Phase Two
http://www.darkjedibrotherhood.org/dbjedi/dgm/index.htm
Sith Events
Wargame/Multiplayer Events:
Temporarily out of order. :P
Battleplan Competition:
Status: Idle.
Screenshot Competition:
Members of the Sith Order can submit any screenshot they want and as many as they want, from any mission on any platform.
Submissions sent to Sith High Warrior([Log in to view e-mail addresses]).
Open Events
GFX 2:
Design a banner or graphic that takes in some aspect of the second part of the plot.
Stickmen are good. :P
Evil Mastermind Design:
Who is the real mastermind behind the pirate incursion? What are his aims and goals? Put yourself in the place of a master-spy, sent out to determine the whereabouts, and identity of the crook. The more detail you can provide, the better.
Submit to [Log in to view e-mail addresses];
CC: [Log in to view e-mail addresses]
one submission per email.
Graphics should be in .jpg or .gif format and zipped prior to submission. Mastermind designs should be in .doc, .rtf, or .txt format - graphical content can be submitted and should be included in a zip file with your submission.
#002 - Squadron Commanders
No one is interested. Not good. :(
I guess I will look elsewhere.
#003 - Sith Multiplayer League
Sign ups are at http://www.battlestats.com/clubs/view/?3628 Our Club ID is 3628.
If you're confused by anything go to
http://www.geocities.com/marikallees/dsaguide/join.html
This has the best instructions available.
#004 - Coming and Going
Lets Start with Coming:
Novice Torral Darkstar
And now Going:
No One.
#005 - Awards and Promotions
Lets Start with Medals:
Dark Cross - PRT Uther
Dark Cross - SW Janos Silverwulf
And now Promotions:
None.
<table border cols="1" width="100%" bgcolor="red"> <tr> <td>THE USUAL SUPSECTS</td> </tr> </table>
SBM Bob
IRC Activity.
Flew TIE Free #215
Flew XWA Free #75
Submitted screenshot - GJW Phase Two
Submitted graphic - GJW Phase Two
Drank excessively.
SBM Malik
Aedile duties.
IRC Activity.
SWL Tron Sadow
No Activity.
SBM Scithe
No Activity.
SW Carl Lost
Flew TIE TC battle #204.
SW Den Darkhill
IRC Activity.
SW Janos Silverwulf
IRC Activity.
DJK Jack Stone
IRC Activity.
DJK Karim Sukkarius
IRC Activity.
DJK Sevren
IRC Activity.
JH Sancho
No Activity.
JH Phelan
No Activity.
GRD Talon Karrde
IRC Activity.
PRT Uther
Flew XWA Free 10.
Flew XWA Free 60.
PRT Ksian Qui-Soran
No Activity.
PRT Saber
No Activity.
PRT Dark Eclipse
No Activity.
NOV Torral Darkstar
Joined HLK.
House Mascot/Fred the Seal
Top Secret.
_NOTE: No Activity doesn't mean you didn't do a damn thing...It just means I just didn't see you do a damn thing :P
Also, if you don't tell me about it I can't report it._
<table border cols="1" width="100%" bgcolor="red"> <tr> <td>CONCLUSION</td> </tr> </table>
At 2:32am this morning Steve the baboon expired.
Joy was in my heart and pep in my step at 5:01pm this afternoon when the tug from the Aurora zoo arrived with this evenings guest of honor. I'd spend the next few hours familiarizing Steve with the fortress and fitting him with his costume for the evening. The theme for the party was the 80's cartoon "G. I. Joe". To say that Steve made a stunning Cobra Commander would hardly do his visage justice. His evilness shown through and was enough to make the surliest Destro proud.
The women, booze, hallucinogenic drugs, weapons and music all arrived by 9:00pm and the party was in full swing. The trouble started around 11:30pm. I was enjoying some stimulating conversation with "Topaz", one of the many strippers present, when Janos, (dressed as "Scarlet" complete with ruby locks and a crossbow strapped to his back), came running from the kitchen informing me an issue had arisen that required my immediate attention. Janos led me to the bathroom where I was shocked to find Steve laying on his side with a half empty bottle of Absinthe in his hand, his breathing labored. Panic shot through my body. "All right, lets give him some room!" I shouted, rolling Steve onto his back. He struggled to open his eyes and when he finally recognized me he raised his weak hand and pressed his index finger and thumb to his lips as if smoking a joint. He then leapt from the floor screaming and shouting, bouncing all around the bathroom. The rest of the partygoers, who'd filled the room behind me, erupted in laughter. Enraged, I chased Steve around the office shouting "No monkey is going to "cry wolf" on me!". When I finally cornered his simian hide I wrapped my hands around his throat and began to squeeze. The combined strength of Janos, Uther and Fred the Seal could not relieve Steve from my grasp and I felt him wheeze his last breath. Things got worse when the HCI kicked the door down. The sight of my fellow dark jedi and I dressed as cartoon characters wrestling, me with a dead monkey in my grip, must've been too much for the inquisitors to handle as they burst into uncontrollable laughter. Their laughter came to a screeching halt when they caught the strong scent of marijuana in the air.
We were handcuffed and thrown to the floor while animal services performed CPR on Steve's lifeless body in the corner. The strippers had left, the booze had all been drunk, the inquisitors didn't find any drugs as what hadn't been used had suddenly disappeared and Scarlet-Janos was suspiciously chewing on something crazily. When the guy from animal services informed us that Steve died of natural causes, having suffered an aneurysm, the inquisitors let us off with a warning.
So here I am. The fortress is a mess. I've no alcohol, no drugs, no strippers and I couldn't even choke my monkey to death. To top it all off I didn't even get any, as the very moment I had "Topaz" in my greasy clutches, a lower life-form with a head full of drugs decided to play a prank on me in the mensroom. Angry as I was, though, I do already miss him. Steve, we hardly knew thee. Today, please, in your daily walk, take a moment to remember Steve. Though he died in my grasp, he certainly was good for a couple of laughs.
So the fire is out. The inquisitors are now gone (I'd like to say thank you to Special Agents Fritz and Schpank for their understanding of my predicament.). All livestock has been returned to their proper owners. I've even managed to replace all the damaged computers and personal items that were lost in the explosion. My weekly report is due and this morning I woke up on a raft outside Kressh Fortress wearing a grass skirt a fedora and three swatch watches on each arm.
I quickly paddled back to the fortress. I was pleased to see that the instructions I'd left for myself scrawled on the hangar wall in lipstick (?) had been not been erased by this mornings cleaning crew and I quickly got to work at replacing the aforementioned items. I'm not quite sure where I went wrong. All I wanted to do was make an enjoyable party for my members and in true HLK fashion. Alas, it was all for naught. I'm still experiencing hallucinations along with the occasional flashback to the even more terrifying thought of what Trev and Goat do all by themselves at Sadow Place. The individual keys on my keyboard have started floating around my desk making it impossible to type legibly and I could sware the "start" button on my desktop is making "kissy" faces at me.
I'm already panic stricken and most likely will not be able to sleep a wink tonight. What if I miscounted the turtles that had to be returned and we now have a live terrapin roaming free in the tactical room? What if eveyones TIE collapses the moment they are touched? Even worse, what if all the drugs weren't used and the sugar canister still contains a months worth of psychodelic hee-hawin'? I guess the truth will come out in the morning when Scithe brews his morning pot of coffee. If, by noon, he's climbing the walls claiming to be the physical embodiment of the spirit of Hannibal the Conquerer, I'll know that I failed once again.
That is all!
SBM Bob(Sith)/QUA/Ludo Kressh of Naga Sadow
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