Blinding light eradiated the room, the heat byproduct was palpable in the now enclosed room. Clearly the ventilation system was as derelict as the abandoned skyscraper it serviced. No cooling breeze or life sustaining airflow would assuage the discomfort of the two combatants.
The Kel Dor brooded in place while the Hapan likewise took swift appraisal of the circumstances they now found themselves engaged in yet was immobile. The silence became a deafening cacophony as the only perceptible sound was the gentle humming and buzzing of the vast multitude of light panels lining the ceiling and walls of the vast and unkempt room.
“Visual perceptions matter not, Hapan. What need does a Dark Jedi have of light when he can rely on his abilities”, Kor asked with a mild show of self-appraisal and composure.
Zagro astutely gauged this response. “If the ravenous light doesn’t bother you Kel Dor, then why do you hesitate? I am prisoner of this imposed jail cell just as you are. Finish the job if you can.”
No, the searing light indeed put the Kel Dor at a disadvantage. His species betrayed him in this one characteristic. Yet, it would be bold hubris for the Hapan to believe he had finally attained the crucial upper hand in this battle of wits and might. Testing the Kel Dor’s resolve, Zagro pressed the attack in earnest.
Kor slowly backed up sensing the coming danger and had his weapons ready. The Kel Dor swung his chain whip in a high-arced pendulum gaining velocity and energy by the second. Zagro could not match the reach of his enemy but perhaps he could utilize his unique skills.
“Where the hell are you? I don’t need my eyes to sense your location but something…something…” Vaal angrily stammered.
Silence in turn responded to the Kel Dor warrior. As suddenly as his presence disappeared it again manifested itself as Zagro’s Force Cloak attribute faded away. The Hapan lunged toward Vaal’s left side and attempted to plunge the knife wielded in his right hand into his adversary’s shoulder blades.
Instantly, Kor Vaal flung the chain whip’s weighted end at his assailant. The blow caught Zagro across the thigh and spun him backwards three meters. The Kel Dor pressed his attack and swung the chain again using the Force to pinpoint his assault.
Zagro was accustomed to pain, yet the agony he felt rippled through his entire being and made him think only of escape. The Hapan was able to roll to his right and shelter under a large metallic work station bench, barely eluding the chain as it smacked into the ground, sending chips of flooring flying in a cloud of white, acidic dust.
“Run until Exar Kun rises from the dead if you like Zagro it makes no difference. You will not leave this room alive. I can feel your fear and sense your movements Acolyte.”
Yet, the Hapan knew if these prideful statements were more than vainglory he would already be smashed to pieces by the Kel Dor’s whip. Kor Vaal did speak some truths however, Zagro could not keep running. The Kel Dor was stronger in the Force and had a peculiar dexterity and repose due to long hours of meditation and study.
“If I can just get close”, thought Zagro to himself as he scurried around the room hiding from the almost non-existent physical view of Kor Val. The Hapan realized strength and ability would not carry the day for him in this arena. His plan seemingly backfired as the Kel Dor was blinded, yet Zagro was trapped. “I need to act now,” his thoughts were amalgamating into a last desperate gamble to take down his foe.
“Vong lover! I hope that you do kill me. Disgusting reptile, I renounce my allegiance to Scholae Palatinae. Only a misguided and vile organization would accept something as you amongst its ranks.”
Fenn stayed still as possible, masking his location and slowly positioned his body for the opportunity to present itself to uncoil like the deadly chain whip that so recently had accosted him. He adjusted his knife in his hand so the blade faced down, away from his body.
“Silence your filthy mouth, humanoid. Your species is weak, fractured, greedy and vain. You have provided nothing to the galaxy besides your haughty women and eunuch playboys. I will smash your bones in my hands!”
Kor Vaal again was visibly exuding energy, his rage and homicidal hatred of his foe eclipsing all other emotions or logic. Zagro saw the Kel Dor focus in on the origination of his voice and immediately Kor was staring at him. He could not see him, but as sure as the Sith his presence was known.
Running at speeds Zagro could hardly fathom the Kel Dor leapt into the air, flinging his right arm behind him and bringing the whip up for a devastating kill shot. His aim was true but the scolding light limited his visibility to negligible levels. Zagro just had enough time to push off of the wall he was leveraging for a focus point as the chain and Vaal’s right knee barreled into the section he had once been.
Capitalizing on this lost momentum and false movement, Zagro slide behind the back of Kor Vaal and with a raised fist plunged his blade downward into the off-balanced thigh of the Kel Dor, slicing down with all of his weight behind the blade as it tore the muscle fibers as it went.
“RRRRRAARRRRRRGGGHHHHHH”, Kor bellowed in equal parts agony and fury. Lashing out with wild abandon with his limbs and the Force the blinded, ravenous, Guardian sent debris flying in all directions as Zagro retreated to the overwhelming light in the center of the room, basking in the shadow of the Kel Dor’s light averse blindness. “Femoral, I should think,” whispered Zagro as Kor Vaal fell to his knees bleeding profusely.
Syntax:
comma. Read the sentence out loud. You will naturally have to take breath after "streets", which is a good indication you need a comma.
that dotted.
Lack of pagebreaks/spacing must be a copy paste error, I'm assuming, which can be fixed and noticed if you're checking the "Preview Post" option before posting. Formatting falls under syntax.
Other than the small grammar errors, the writing is actually very detailed and colorful with description.
Acolyte is a title/rank, so it should be capitalized. Goes for other instances as well.
Story:
Good job organically pointing out your opponents "Lone Wolf". Aspect. Good dialogue/character interaction to set up the focus of the fight.
Continuity:
You write him having "daggers", but he has a dagger, and a knife. Seems nit-picky, but there is a difference in design for the two weapons (daggers are designed for piercing, knives one-sided and meant for slicing, not that you can't do one or the other respectively).